Nicholas DeLeon

I'm gonna miss you buddy. :( I literally teared up when I figured out your leaving. Last year and this year was when we REALLY got to know each other. I'm gonna miss making racist jokes against you and you coming over and pushing me against a wall or grabbing my neck and stuff. :D

It's a no go.

And it did happen. I walked away heart broken. I noticed that I wasn't as butt hurt as I thought I would be. I felt fine. After I finished talking with the person your close with I went to VG with Justin, Larry, Fern, and Vivs. We met up with Danny and Erick there. As the afternoon went on I started to feel it more and more. I was pretty moody the whole time but my friends were there to make me laugh. But then I started losing it. Larry started talking to Fern in Indo. I felt lefted out. Then Fern told Justin he needed to talk to him. They went a little far away from me and started talking. I felt like shit right there. Then they came back and we were just talking and out of the corner of my eye I see this guy and the chick. And thinking to myself I was like, No fucking way. And right then and there I knew it was too good to be true. I told them and Fern and Justin looked at each other sharply. They acted surprised and went over there to CB. They came back and I told them why the fuck did they have to CB the guy. I mean I'm done dude. I asked if we can just get out of there cause I couldn't take it anymore. While we were walking back to the car, I was on the verge of crying. My eyes were fogging up and Larry was trying his hardest to get me to laugh. And he did. We decided to drive around for now and then we left and went home. That night I went to sleep at 9:30 cause I didn't want to think about all of this. I end up waking up at 4:40 and the very first person I think of is him. And right away I thought to myself, "This is no dream...it's still true." I just played with my itouch for an hour cause I couldn't go back to sleep. After that I wanted to go back to sleep, so I was just laying there and of course if your just laying in bed looking at the ceiling whats the best thing to do? Think. And so I was thinking...and it hit me right there. I have no one to look forward to seeing everyday anymore, and at that moment I started crying. (Yes, I know) I fell asleep for 2 hours and woke up at 8. But now I'm good. The funny thing is, on twitter during the time I was awake this tweet from @ohteenquotes came up saying: "It's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone if your heart still does. Time heals." But I know that this shit makes me stronger. As of right now just writing this makes me tear up.

Idk if you knew but I had plans for you. For your birthday and asking you to my school banquet. I had stuff planned out. . And this guy comes out of no where and ruins my chances with you. But as of right now I might still go with the birthday plan. Your different, your one of those good girls that still has a little bit of that bad side to ya. :) And so yeah, I was pretty much crazy about you. I mean it's only been like 2 months since we really started hanging out but we've been friends for a longtime already. And I regret not getting to know you better years before this happened. Why did I have to start liking you about the same time the other guy was going for you. But I can't stay mad at the guy. He was one of my bestfriends in 3rd grade. Me, Fern, Him, and his bestfriend. We were really close, we hung out w/ each other all the time. Causing mischief and stuff. And I gotta tell you, He's a dumbshit sometimes but he's a funny guy. Thats how I feel about him sometimes. But at other times I see him and I think about you. Makes me want to go up there and just punch him in the face. But I'ma be the bigger man and not cause any bullshit cause I know thats the way you'll want it to be. I know you guys aren't going out or anything yet but I can tell your into this guy. So I'll drop out and let you stay happy. Everytime I'll see you I just don't think it'll be the same anymore. I mean, we'll still hangout no doubt about it but it'll be different. And so yeah.

I'm done being a Symp and I know I write a lot of bullshit on here but this is the way that makes me feel better. And again I just wanna thank Fern, Larry, and Justin. <3

I had you in my fucking hands. I just let it all slip away just like that. Last week it was going all good. I foRgot to ask you one question that I couldn't wait to ask you...but it slipped my mind. And that was a mistake. Saturday: You came up to me, you looked like you were waiting for a hug, I froze up and just said "hI" and kept on taLking to the person I was talking to. That was also a mistake. And now this is where it comes to. I need a guide. Someone that can help me figure all this out and see if it's for the best or not. So I reached out to a person your pretty damn close to. We'll see what happens. After that conversation I'll either walk away with encouragement to "Go Hard" or I'll walk away heart broken and depressed.I know I didn't trY hard enough this past week and I regret that. Big time. And because of me "liking you" it made me want to open up to my other friend and helped me get closer to them too. They don't think of me as that kid that always goes around and makes fun of people anymore. They can take me seriously now. So even if I do walk away broken I know that it was because of you that I got closer to my other friends. We'll see what happens. Hopefully I can tell you soon.